It's not the load that breaks you down, It's the way your carry it

Like every other girl in America, I was tuned in Sunday night to watch the Oscars.  The gowns, the jewels, the hair, makeup, everyone dressed up...it's so fun to watch and comment on everything!  This year they praised quite a few Hollywood greats, visionaries and people who paved the way for changes in the industry.  One of those people was Lena Horne.  In honoring her, they listed a quote by Lena - 'It's not the load that breaks you down, It's the way your carry it.'  For a woman who helped pave the way and break stereotypes, she must have had one heck of a load on her shoulders.

Lena's quote got me thinking - we all have things that weigh us down every day but it's how we deal with those burdens.  Some of us deal with it by holing up and getting much needed alone and reflection time; others by doing some form of exercise - be it running, kickboxing, tennis, bootcamp, etc.; hanging out with friends and just talking; escaping into a movie; whatever it may be, we all have our own coping mechanisms.  I don't know about you, but I find it very easy to lose myself in a goal and having something to work towards.  I've been thinking a lot about doing another triathlon and found one coming up in May.  I've tried to find other people who would be interested in doing the triathlon with me but scheduling conflicts seem to hinder quite a few people from joining.  I kept thinking how I needed to have the accountability of someone else to train and complete the triathlon but I think doing this without that accountability may help me prove to myself that I can put my mind to something and accomplish it.  So I'm doing another triathlon!!  Oi, this is going to be interesting.  It's a sprint triathlon (300m swim, 20k bike, 5k run)...the distances aren't too terrifying.  Maybe you should think about doing one too!

What makes you happy?

I've been fighting it for awhile now but it's official, I'm sick.  The upside to this is that I've been able to catch up on all my blog reading.  One blog I have really enjoyed reading is "Ben Does Life."  Apparently he's starting to write a book and looked to his Dad for some inspiration as a forward.  I pasted it below.

I’ve learned a lot about the disease of addiction over the past 12 or so years.  One of the most interesting aspects of the condition is that it’s not about the substances we use.  Regardless of how we get there, most of us end up in the same sorry state – lonely, empty, and sad.  We isolate ourselves so nobody sees what we’ve become.  We lie and deny; it simply hurts too much to face the truth.  We settle into despair as our health disintegrates.

Those who find recovery generally agree that they seek a new way to live because the old one just wasn’t working anymore.  The substances, whatever they were – whiskey, pills, cocaine, pizza, video games – eventually betray us, and don’t provide the joy or escape they once did.

So we try a different way of life, something new and tentative and scary.  We reach out to others and gradually reconnect.  We find love again.  We stumble at first, keep working at it, find our stride, and then we run with it. And, sometimes, we run far.

I bolded the last part because it depicts the challenge and the change.  I've talked previously how I felt like I have lost a little bit of myself and I'm starting to slowly find me again and it's still true.  I am trying to find one thing a day that makes me smile and find a positive.  A few weeks ago, I took my Mom to NYC for her mumble-mumble'd (just for you Mom - I didn't sell you out :) ) birthday.  My 2 favorite pictures are her with the FAO Shwarz toy solider (b/c he flirted with her and that was hilarious) and then a picture of us in Central Park.

I love to keep photos around of people I love and fun times, so when I get upset, I have something around that makes me smile.  Other things that make smile?  Setting a goal and a reaching it, no matter how small the goal.  I got my runs in last week, before I got sick.  Since I can barely walk without coughing or sneezing, running is out for now but that doesn't mean I can't go for a walk or do the eliptical at the gym.  Which also leads to some pretty spectacular hacking moments.  Yes, you're welcome for that visual.  So for this week, my goals are: get my 3 runs in - keep upping my intervals, say goodbye to a friend moving to dc :( but enjoy a last party in her honor :), make sure I get to hang out with Megs so I get to see her rock (that's right kids, Megan and Allan are engaged!) and kick this darn cold!  I feel like a little bit of myself comes back every week.  So a big thank you to everyone who has stuck with me through these last couple months - I know I didn't make it easy but I appreciate each and every one of you!

One more thing - SPRING IS COMING!!!  I don't know about you, but we had 2 absolutely gloriously beautiful days which reminded me spring is just around the corner.  Bright colors, warmer weather and more sunshine.  What's not to love?

Reflection

This time last year, I had just completed my first half marathon and sobbed after I crossed the finish line.  That was one of the proudest moments of my life, up to that point, as it took so much hard work and determination to get there.  Even with all the snow last year, I did whatever it took to get my mileage in - even running around the inside track at my gym for a 10 mile run.  My gym is a bit smaller than a 1/4 mile track, so it's 6 times around to complete 1 mile; do the math on that and it was 60 laps around that track.  Was it incredibly fun?  No.  Was it necessary?  Yes.  One thing is for sure - I couldn't have done it without my running partner, Amanda, who joked I gave up on our friendship at mile 11.  Though I assured her it was okay because I re-instated our friendship at mile 13.1.  It was also amazing to have my cousin and now cousin-in-law there and running the race as well!

I was so driven to get to that point and now, looking back, it also makes me sad looking how far I am from that person 1 year later.  It's amazing how quickly your choices add up and how taking a little time off turns into a few months which turns into a year and I'm now getting back to training, though my first race is a 10k.  Sometimes I wonder where my determination, motivation, no excuses attitude came from and where I can find it again.  Though I think what it comes down to is whatever you have internally is going to manifest itself.  Whether it's struggles with certain questions or situations or debating on whether or not to do something, being frustrated with things, whatever it may be it will just consume you and start to overshadow other situations in your life.  Now I've previously said I'm not a huge fan of making excuses and that still stands.  However, I am a huge fan of knowing issues in your life and facing your problems because I truly think that is the best and healthiest way to move forward.  There have been a few situations come up in my life over the past year that have caused my focus to shift away from my "motivated, determined and no excuses attitude" and it has taken me this long to realize the culprit.  All I can do is learn from this past year and try to take everything one day at a time, making the best and healthiest decisions each day and remembering to take time for myself and to recharge.

Turn turn turn...

Why is it so hard to follow through with your commitments after a long day of work?  I start off the day so excited to get to the gym and run or have a good, hard work out but after a long day at work, I get into my car and go back and forth between deciding if I'm going to go to the gym or not.  Recently, more often than not, I make it to the turn and I head off to do something else instead.  Why is this?  I wish I knew...

One thing that helps me is to keep inspirational quotes and pictures and memories around me.  One person that has inspired me recently is Courtney on the newest season of Biggest Loser.  Maybe it's because I can relate so much to her as she lost 100 pounds on her own before joining the show or maybe it's because I love her work ethic.  No matter what kind of challenge is thrown at her, she remains positive, does everything that's asked of her, doesn't complain - she just wants to be an example and an inspiration to the thousands of people watching.  And I truly think she is.  So how can I use this to make a goal?  When I'm wavering between going to the gym or going out to do something else, remember the struggle I've faced and remember the positive, can-do, don't take anyone's crap and stop making excuses attitude of Courtney.  What are you inspired by?

Changing of the Tides

"You won't make your decisions easier just by putting them off until later. When a decision is called for, go ahead and make it.  If you keep your options open for too long, those options will no longer be available to you. Choose one option based on your best information, and go with it.  Give sufficient thought and consideration to your decisions, but don't drag them on endlessly. The sooner you get started implementing a decision, the more effective you'll be.  Accept the fact that you won't make a perfect decision every time. And remember that you'll have opportunities to adjust your approach if things don't work out the way you planned.  You cannot predict the future yet there is much you can do to intelligently and effectively prepare for it. Instead of agonizing over what might or might not happen, get busy creating value that will be there no matter what happens.  Go ahead and decide. The sooner you decide, the more time and energy you'll have to make the decision work out the way you intended."

-- Ralph Marston

I came across this quote in an email reminding me to apply for grad school before the cutoff date.  I think it is a great quote that can be applied to so many different areas of your life.  While change can be scary, sometimes change is exactly what's needed...and while it can be scary, that's what makes life so exciting!  I'm not saying I'm a huge proponent of making gigantic life decisions on a whim...these things should be thought through and options examined but once you feel that it's the right decision, you should start making plans and arrangements to get the change under way.  I am definitely feeling convicted by the quote because there are a few things going on in my life right now where I have been sitting on the fence, not making a huge move either way.  Now is the time to make those decisions and move full steam ahead.  Oh, and if you're afraid of failure when you're making a change - don't be.  Failure is just an opportunity looking to be turned on its head into success.  What you see as failure can actually be the road to a new adventure.  I'll keep you up to date as my decisions, and the changes that come with those decisions, unfold.  Join me?  Make a change!

Starting over kinda sucks

Today was my first run for the year...and my first run in quite a few weeks.  Wow am I out of shape.  It's really frustrating starting over because I know where I have been and where I should be and I want to be able to jump back in to 6 mile short runs and 10 mile long runs.  Let's just say I have a battle to get there but that's all a part of starting over.  I did find an interesting article in Runner's World magazine about starting/re-starting running and I thought I'd post the parts I found particularly helpful.

"Whether you're returning to the sport after taking time off or you're just starting out, the mental and physiological barriers that stand between you and your inner runner may seem insurmountable....It takes time for blood vessels to respond, for your heart to get bigger and stronger, to add mitochondria to your muscles," he says. "But the good news is that our bodies are incredibly adaptive."

They also list strategies to overcome common early frustrations:
-"The second week feels harder than the first. Feeling a little stiffness a week into an exercise routine is normal.
-Three miles is still hard. 
-Even a short run leaves me incredibly sore.
-Other runners chat, but I'm out of breath.  Slow down.  There's a level that's comfortable for everyone - some runners might be able to talk while doing an 8 minute mile, others might be at a 12 minute mile."

One last tidbit:  Focus on time, not distance.  Especially when you're starting back or first starting.  The mileage will come in time, but focusing on the time rather than how far you've gone keeps you from getting disheartened by how slow you're running or how long it's taking you to cover a certain difference.

Remember it's hard to start something new, but you feel better once you're done and/or completed your goal.

Family and a challenge....accepted.

I absolutely love Christmas time - people are nicer, all the lights and decorations are beautiful and it typically means time with my family.  This year, my Christmas plans changed due to the snow storm that hit the east coast.  Instead of going to Savannah, I stayed here and my brother, sister-in-law and niece drove up to stay with my parents.  It was wonderful having them here for a whole week!  My niece got her first snow and it was SO fun to see her react to the snow and the cold.

My brother, Jason, found out there is a half marathon in Atlanta over Thanksgiving this year and asked if I would run it with him.  I looked up the course and it follows part of the Olympic marathon course run in 1996...which means there are hills.  Those of you who know me and my running, know I absolutely despise running hills and pretty much only run them when I'm forced.  Knowing this, I was not thrilled about the half marathon, however I think it would be fun to run a race with my brother.  So this is my way of saying, it's time to get back in half marathon shape! 

I have signed up for the Monument Avenue 10k in April.  I ran this race for the first time 2 years ago in 1 hr 15 minutes.  My goal is to complete it in the same amount of time...especially since I was coming back from an injury at the time.  My "cherry on top" for the race would be to run it in under 60 minutes.  I like to say 'go big or go home' so that's what I'm doing.  After the race, I plan on concentrating on gradually adding mileage however concentrating on speed and the dreaded hill work.  So, if you are in Atlanta and see Jason - be sure to ask him how his training for the half marathon is going.  He also has no idea I'm blogging about him, so this should be fun. =)  If you're in Richmond and want to go for a run or train for the 10k with me, or even run the race with me - lets do it!  It's always more fun with friends!  Grab your running shoes and start your adventure with me as I aim to get back in half marathon shape and absolutely DEMOLISH my previous half marathon time.