I survived the reunion!

If you couldn’t tell from my post before, I was pretty nervous about this reunion.  If you needed more reassurance of this - you could have looked at my luggage.  When I pulled into the hotel Saturday afternoon, I had to get a luggage cart to help me with my stuff.  Yes, that’s right.  Just MY stuff.  I couldn’t carry everything in one trip; that’s how you know I’m nervous.  I needed options from what to wear, the jewelry, coats, shoes, etc.  Options = lots o’ crap.

I ended up heading downtown to the club where the reunion was held with my friend Meredith but before that, I headed over to her house to meet her.  Thankfully I had a few extra minutes because somehow I didn’t remember to grab EVERYTHING from my car and left my tights and purse options in my car.  (see - LOTS o’ crap)  After that situation was sorted out, I kind of said to heck with all of this.  I’m just going to do what I want.

The reunion was at a club which, initially, I thought was kind of weird.  Have I mentioned I’m fat and don’t like clubs because I get self conscious?  Ohhh, that’s right.  Well we got to the door and had to pay to get in…yes, it was cheaper if you paid ahead of time but I’m not going to lie - I wasn’t 100% sure until I was in the car and parking downtown that I was going to actually make it to this reunion.  Good thing Meredith and I shared the same opinion and decided, if we didn’t like it, we could leave after a little bit and just go somewhere for drinks.  Did I mention the guy taking the money at the door was Matt, who I had a crush on for all 3 years that I went to that high school.  Ha.  (Yes, Matt Hester, if you are reading this, I had a crush on you in high school but I'm pretty sure you were aware of it back then).  I was surprised he knew who I was/recognized me and even asked me about the Virginia Tech/Virginia game; I hadn’t even put anything about that on facebook.  But lets not forget, I’m nervous so I just start talking about football and head in the door.  Whoops.  No clue what’s going on with him now.  I know, I’m socially awkward.  I embrace it.


The summary of the night - I saw a few people I recognized, a lot I recognized and wished I didn’t, even MORE people who either names sounded familiar but didn’t recognize them or recognized them but couldn’t place their name OR just thought - did I graduate with you?  Because I don’t remember you at all.  Going into this I thought, we’re all 10 years older and mature, I can talk to these people.  It will be fine.  And for some, that was definitely the case.  But sometimes the bitchy girls will always be the bitchy girls and the cliques will remain cliquey.  And I know how horrible this sounds but there was one guy there I could not place to save my life and I asked someone who that was and it turns out it was a guy I had lots of classes with who wasn’t exactly making fun of me about my weight but wasn’t super friendly either.  I’m sorry for saying this but guess who’s a chunker?  Did it sort of make my night to see that he had put on a LOT of weight?  Yes.  Yes it did.  I’m not even going to lie.  It also took every ounce of restraint not to walk over and say hi and casually mention that I have run a half marathon and done a triathlon.  But I digress.

We ended up staying for about 2 1/2 hours which is longer than I thought we would make it and ended up going to a wine bar afterwards.  (This is Meredith and I at the wine bar.  There were no good pictures of me that night and I’m okay with that).



Yeah, because more wine is what we needed.  (note the sarcasm)  Turns out?  Our bartender?  Definitely graduated with him and definitely didn’t recognize him.  Overall, I’m glad I went.  I saw a few people I wouldn’t have seen otherwise and I proved to myself I could go.  I did back into my shell a little bit and then I thought to myself - that’s not who you are anymore.  So get out there and dance!  And I did.  :)

10 year reunion? Already??

I headed up to the DC area yesterday for a little outlet shopping because I wanted to hit up a fun store - Torrid.  They have lots of fun, flirty, hip clothes.  I guess I should back this up and explain why - my 10 year high school reunion is the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  Granted, I’m not super excited about it being the Saturday after Thanksgiving, especially since niether my family nor I live in Charlotte anymore but I'm also kind of excited to see who shows up and to see how I handle the situation.  Being overweight in high school, I wasn’t popular or in with the “popular” crowd but I didn’t hate it either…however I’m nervous thinking about running into some of these people from my past.

I’m definitely much more outgoing and more articulate of how I feel than I was in high school, but the thought of running into these people again is nervewracking and also sort of sends me back to high school.  Am I going to be shy?  Am I going to be too nervous to talk to people?  Will I make it in the door??? I also recently found out the reunion is going to be at some club uptown (Charlotte doesn’t like to call it downtown.  Weird.  I know.)  So, of course, my first thought was - what the crap am I going to wear?  Hence, my little shopping extravaganza.

Also, when did I get to be so much of an adult that it’s almost time for my high school reunion???  I honestly don’t know if I can walk in the door to this thing…but at least I’ll look hot while driving there.

I survived bootcamp...barely.

I had fabulous plans for getting a bunch of stuff done tonight…and then I took bootcamp.  I thought, sure, this will be great, it will challenge me, I’ll do something new and build some muscle.

Um, yes, it challenged me.  Yes, I do enjoy running but only when I want to run.  If you tell me to run, I will not want to.  If you tell me to sprint, I will curse you under my breath.  Welcome to my evening.

Apparently these people are like their only little family which was kind of awesome to see but made me feel like I was in high school, walking into the “cool clique” and while I may have sat there, waiting dreading the start and shaking my leg from nervousness, I got over it.

The schedule does say “be prepared to head outside sometimes”.  My exact thought: no way we’re going outside tonight.  They’ll be nice to me, take it easy and stay inside.  Um, whhhhaaaaaaaaaatttttt?

Immediately we were outside with bands and weighted bars but before we got to use those, we had to run.  Then we did squats, lunges, 180 degree turn jumps, squat down and little tee-tiny raises and releases, raises and releases…focusing on one leg.  This was also on the curb so one foot was always elevated - i.e. working harder.  THEN we got to sprint.  Oh joy.  Yippee.  Three times up and back.  Then we came and did all of the above (minus the first run) on the other leg.  Then we got to sprint again.  This time it was only twice, but longer and up half of a hill.  Then it was time for shoulder and upper body work with the weighted bar while attaching the bands for MORE resistance.  Oh and then we got to sprint again.  This time one LONG run UP the hill.  Then we did more upper body work, then another run then tricep dips.

So I’m not as fast as the other people.  So I was always last.  I kept telling myself, don’t let them mentally beat you.  You may be slower but you WILL complete EVERY thing they do.  And I did.  I also didn’t cry.  I may have teared up on the way home because I reflected and felt like the typical fat girl who is always last but screw that.  I completed and didn’t go home and didn’t quit.

But oh sweet mother, I am in pain.  Tomorrow I might cry just trying to get out of bed.  The inside of my legs are killing me - like if I did ballerina squats or pleits (I can’t spell it, even though I did take years of dance when I was younger, but you know what I mean).  One guy did ask me if I was coming back.  My answer?  I hope so.  I want to go back to prove to myself that I can and stubbornly to show all the speedsters I’m not the type of girl to give up and I may be fat but I’m working on it and I get better every week.

No.  I don’t like sprints.  But you know what?  It’s building muscle.  It will make me faster.  So there’s a positive.

I’m supposed to meet a friend to run tomorrow after work.  Yeah, that may turn into a walk but I will at least be bringing my running clothes with me just in case my legs don’t feel like lead tomorrow.

I worked out.  I challenged myself.  I grew am growing as a person.  I may have cried a little but I’m still proud of myself.  I didn’t give up and I didn’t quit.

BOOYAH!

Shamrock Half Marathon

March 18, 2012.

I'm officially signed up.  I think I'm going to puke.

Hello little blog

...I know, I know.  It's been awhile.  I may or not be cheating on you, little blog, with another blog.  Shocker, I know.  Sometimes I seem to forget or not have time to catch all of you up on this blog but I'm going to try to do a better job at that. 
 Some things that have been happening in my life recently:
I decided not to do the sprint triathlon.  The day I was going to sign up, I drove the route and the bike route is out and back on 3 different roads.  All hills.  And I don't mean just slight inclines, I mean big hills.  Steep hills.  Long hills.  Long and steep hills.  From the beginning.  I just knew there was no way I could handle those hills and then run the 5k - also hilly.
I'm thinking about signing up for another half marathon.  This scares the crap out of me.  Part of me says to wait until I build up my mileage and I feel more confident.  The other part of me says go ahead and sign up.  Not only is it cheaper, it will give me the extra push to make sure I'm running and building up my mileage because I'm committed.  Then I also wonder what if no one comes and no one is there to support me.  I know that's stupid but I think about it.  It's a thought.  Deal.
I really want to do a half Ironman.  I've mentioned this before but I really want to do it.  I need to find one that's not terribly far away and do-able.  Although we all know how much I hate running when it's hot so the fact that there aren't fall races in cooler states makes me a little sad.  But I guess I'm going to have to just deal with it and run in the heat.
I'm coming up on 3 years being a homeowner.  That is just weird.

I think those are the big things.  Another realization I've had - it's never too late to go after you want.  You're never too old, too anything to go after your dream.  Hello.  Look at the 40 year old Olympic swimmer.  Never give up on yourself.  Always keep trying.

Until next time, blog world.

August and the Mortal Man Tri

For those who don't iknow, I took on the challenge of the Mortal Man Tri for the month of August.  Basically you complete the distance of a full Ironman over the course of a month.  Everyone who is participating is linked on a shared spreadsheet where you update your distance as you go and it tells you your percentage complete, how much farther you have left to swim, bike or run and I have to say - it's pretty awesome.  I was off to a pretty good start the first of the month...and then I went to Raleigh for my cousin's wedding the weekend of the 13th and I just lost my motivation.  I finally got it back after the month was about 2/3 of the way over but I am done not finishing things.  I looked at what I had left and knew if I was diciplined enough, I could do it.  As I write this wiith 3 days left in August (including today), here's what I have left and how I will accomplish it:

Today: Bike 15.1 miles, zumba
Tuesdasy: Bike 15 miles, run 3.1
Wednesday:  Bike 15 miles, swim 974 yards

Then I will be done.  I worked hard over the weekend (covering a full sprint tri), another 15 miles on the bike and line dancing.  I may have completed the sprint tri backwards (run-bike-swim instead of swim-bike-run) but that didn't make it any easier.  About 10 minutes into the bike, my legs were killing me and I wished I had stretched but 1- I was trying to simulate race day conditions and 2 - if I stopped the bike to stretch,all my distance would be wiped from the bike.  Side note - I think it's a bit ridiculous that the bike gives you about 5 seconds of stopping before it resets itself.  I wanted to quit so many times and contemplated doing so, but I knew I needed to knock out this big chunk to get me ahead in the mortal man tri but also with irene coming, I knew I wouldn't be able to get any training in the next day and was just hoping the roads would be clear and the gym open on Sunday.  All that to say, I'm SO glad I did the distance.  My total time for all 3 was 1 hour 50 minutes 51 seconds.  Obviously this was all done inside and it will be different outside on race day but I've already made improvements and I have some more things to work on but I'm pretty proud of myself.  I think I may do a mock tri again in about 3 -4 weeks to measure my improvements and maybe even do it in the correct order.  August has been a challenging month but well worth it.  I'm finishing August strong with my training and completing the full Ironman distance.  How are you finishing the month strong?

2 steps forward, 1 step back.

Sunday marks the end of the 4th week of my triathlon training.  I haven't really mentioned it because, quite honestly, it scares the crap out of me and because of that - I'm training but I have yet to sign up for the race.  Maybe part of me is hoping it fills up so I don't have to actually take the step and maybe part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop but the other part of me checks the race website daily to see how long I can go before I have to sign up because I want to do this...what can I say, I'm a complex person.  Yes, I've done a triathlon before but this is me coming off of a year of sporadically working out.  The last time, I had been consistently working out for months before even thinking about taking on this challenge. 

I'm scared I can't do this.  I'm scared I'm going to fail.  I'm scared I will be disguting in my swimsuit - last time I felt like my legs were strong and no matter what, that's what I saw when I looked in the mirror.  Now?  Not so much.  I'm afraid I'll be slower than I was last time.  I'm afraid of the new course since it's starting from a new location.  Yes, the other one had a massive hill to climb but the new course has rolling hills - lots of them.

What has happened to me?  What happened to the girl that could take on anything and was ready for anything that came her way?  I miss that person, but I know I'm slowly getting that person back.  One thing I've struggled with and had to come to terms with is: I'm not where I used to be and that's a really hard thing to accept...it's like now that I'm "back on the wagon" so to speak, I feel like I should be kicking butt and taking names.  There are days where I feel like that and then there are days where my legs feel like stumps which take every ounce of energy I have to simply take a step.  Some days it's really hard for me to wrap my head around everything and when that happens I just have to keep telling myself to keep going - keep moving forward.  DON'T go back.  I did that long enough.  Never again.  Never.